Where do you live (in your head)?
Dealing with Negative Events…
How can you minimize the influence of negative events?
As the saying goes, “Into each life, a little rain must fall.” That is, you can’t go through life without having anything negative happening.
Let’s take this literally for a second. Presumably, if you had outdoor plans, then a real rainstorm is a negative event. Of course, you have a choice when faced with rain about how to keep it from making you feel too bad. In general, there are two ways to deal with a negative event like rain.
One possibility is to rethink the event to find the silver lining. This kind of reappraisal turns what seems to be a negative into a positive (or at least something less negative). In the case of a storm, you could focus on the benefits that the rain gives you an opportunity to do something else that might be more productive in other areas of your life.
A second possibility is to disengage from the situation. By focusing your attention elsewhere, you dull the negative impact of the event on yourself. If the rainstorm disrupted an important life event, then you might have difficulty seeing the positive. In that case, you might just try to ignore the negative event. But ignoring an event does not solve the problem at hand. When your outdoor plans get rained out, work inside on your calendar and the days ahead. Focus on the positive aspects of your goals.
The way I have set up this discussion suggests that people use both strategies, but they engage them in different situations. When an event is a little negative, then you may be more likely to reappraise the situation than to disengage from it. When it is highly negative, though, you may be more likely to disengage than to reappraise. So lets apply this to real life and how to deal with it.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Put life in perspective. If you are expecting something to happen a certain way and it doesn’t, take a moment and analyze how big of a deal it actually is, in the “macro” scale.
As an example; if your assistant repeatedly does not do what they are asked, communicate in a calm assertive way that you have asked them to do something within a specific time frame. Have them give you a time frame that they feel they can accomplish the task at hand. Communication is the key factor. By them giving you the time frame they are committing to the task, “They own it”. Then if it does not happen, communicate what the consequences will be next time it happens. If you let it go then you are creating the environment of mediocrity and you will be miserable on an ongoing basis.
This example permeates all aspects of your life. If you do not communicate your desired outcome from others you will always have internal conflict when they are not completed. In turn you will harp on the negative.
At the end of the day the answer to all of this is very simple. When something negative happens. Take it in, deal with it, then MOVE ON. Don’t allow it to occupy time in your head. Your brain is the most expensive real estate per square inch. So unless the problem is worth your hourly income then discard it and MOVE ON.
